So, I’m still in Italy. They haven’t deported me yet, and I’m actually quite enjoying my vacation. But you folks don’t need *me* to tell you how impressive the Vatican is, or how Venus in The Birth of Venus by Botticelli isn’t actually that hot. You can find out all about what’s great about Italy when your crazy Uncle Herb and Aunt Gertrude force you to watch one of their “famous” slide shows at the next family reunion. What a party.
Speaking of parties, that’s exactly what I’m going to talk about today. (How’s that for a transition?!) I’m currently in Sardinia, which is the little island to the middle-left of the mainland. I’m staying in a little town called Santa Teresa Gallura, which is on the northern tip of the island. Normally, it’s population is about 4,500 people. In the summer? Over 60,000. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who thought this would be a cool vacation spot. You can read all about it - and see pictures - HERE.
I’m staying with friends, and a few nights ago, I asked if they wanted to go out to a club or something - you know, just to see how the locals have a good time. We went to Estasi’s Disco. So, me and my two buddies stride manfully up to the door, and I ask how much the cover charge is. My friends smile and say “twenty Euros,” and then pay the same.
WHAT?!
Twenty Euros?!
Yes, this place was a nice club. However, the Mets are a good baseball team, but if someone said “SURE you can bet on the Mets, at -1500, EVERY GAME!” I’d probably take a pass! However, it was too late. My friends were already in the door. I gritted my teeth and took my punishment like a champ, handing over the money.
“Alright,” I thought. “I just payed WAY too much to get into this place. Time to get DRUNK.” Whoops. Not so fast, Hansel. Turns out that they charge eight Euros… for ONE BEER. “Cool,” I thought. “I guess their beer comes in a complimentary PLATINUM cup, encrusted with jewels.” Nope, there’s no added bonus that somehow justifies the price. It’s just a good, old-fashioned rip off. Cocktails were TWICE that. Problem was, I’d sort of mumbled “beer,” or something that sounded like it, and the wily bartender - may he be cursed forever - decided to grab a brew, pop the cap off before I could say anything (what kindness!), and stick out his hand, waiting for payment.
This disco was feeling more and more like prison, and I was feeling more and more like I had dropped the soap.
I payed the money, but trust me - if looks could kill, that dude would be dead.
The rest of the night was as fine as a “one beer in a foreign disco that pretty much just legally stole your wallet” night can be. The cover band played a bunch of English-language songs, and I’m pretty sure the lyrics to those songs were the only English they spoke. Heck, come to think of it, if I could only speak like 200 words of English, I guess “Light My Fire” by The Doors isn’t the worst option out there.
More from Italy later. For now, a recap of today’s lesson: Go to Italy. Check prices before you go places or ask for things. Drink lots of alcohol BEFORE you go out.
Until next time,
~Hansel.
dude your stories are hilaroius. italy’s cool but ya, WAY too expensive. anyway, have a good vacation and keep the posts coming.
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